Self-Confidence: How to Find It?

When explaining why we didn’t take on a certain challenge, we often say it’s because we lacked self-confidence. This lack of belief in ourselves can hold us back from new experiences, exciting opportunities, meeting new people, and pursuing our dreams.

The Quest for Confidence

Many of us carry childhood experiences of criticism, insecurity, neglect, or lack of acknowledgment from caretakers or peers. These experiences can lead to feelings of shame, low self-worth, and diminished confidence, which may manifest as internalized wounds that erode our belief in our own abilities.

Yet, the desire for confidence remains. Who wouldn’t want to feel confident? As adults, we naturally search for self-confidence outside ourselves. We are often drawn to confidence in others—partners, friends, coworkers—projecting onto them the confidence we feel we lack.

As adults, we’re trying to find our lost confidence, even if we’ve never fully experienced it ourselves. Without role models who embody genuine confidence, we seek out confidence in others, sometimes mistaking arrogance, selfishness, or even narcissistic traits for true confidence. This is why we often end up searching for confidence outside ourselves, unsure of where to find it within.

Society often defines confidence superficially, associating it with material success or extroverted traits. But true confidence can simply mean being grounded, daring, accepting of our mistakes, and unbothered by what others think of us. What is your definition of confidence? Writing it down can help you find your own answer.

The Gift of Insecurity

Lack of confidence can be a gift because insecure people are often open to more possibilities. They double-check, try harder, and think outside the box. Insecurity can foster objectivity and perseverance, traits that sometimes lead to extraordinary results.

This attentiveness and sensitivity can yield remarkable outcomes. But it’s essential to find balance, allowing self-doubt to guide us without letting it overwhelm us. In this way, our lack of confidence can truly become a gift.

Consider this: have you ever met someone who was so sure of themselves that things didn’t go well? Or someone who couldn’t see their own talents and worth? By unfreezing small pieces of our insecurity and using it thoughtfully, we can tap into a powerful resource.

Embracing Vulnerability

Lack of confidence teaches us to embrace vulnerability. Vulnerability is a core part of true confidence, though it’s often obscured by feelings of low self-worth.

Many of us try to hide our lack of confidence, our mistakes, and our weaknesses. But acknowledging these parts of ourselves is essential. These parts can bring us objectivity, sensitivity, creativity, and ultimately, genuine confidence.

Healing Our Wounded Parts

We can learn to accept the parts of ourselves we struggle with and get to know ourselves more deeply. If a lack of self-confidence is holding you back, imagine how freeing it would be if we could all show our imperfect selves and hold non-judgmental space for each other. In doing so, we could reveal our unique qualities and be our true selves.

If you’d like to work on your confidence, book a 1:1 session with me here.